7 years in NZ - Awakening to the Soul

Today marks the day that I officially get my resident visa to New Zealand.

7 years ago, I bought one-way tickets on my birthday to the other side of the world, knowing that I would never come back to the old life that had collapsed.

7 years later, the 7 years journey in New Zealand has changed me and my life path forever.

It's an extremely lonely and tough journey that only those going through the same will understand.

I am writing this article just to remember and celebrate that brave girl who had extreme determination and strength to go through all those upheavals and become stronger than ever she could imagine.

Language Barrier and Culture Shock

I still remember when I first arrived in New Zealand with no one I knew or contact with, instead of feeling lonely I felt extremely free as I knew this was a perfect opportunity for me to learn and truly start over. Even though every day's conversation was just like a listening test to me I was even embarrassed to go to any restaurant because I didn't understand the menu and didn't know how to make an order in English. But somehow the excitement and curiosity outweigh all the feelings of anxiety and loneliness. To improve my English, I decided to throw myself into a 100% English environment with no contact with Chinese people.

And funny enough now I have trouble reversing my language back due to a lack of chance to speak Chinese. :). The language journey was the hardest one because you are limited by your words, and it is difficult to have a conversation with people and get yourself understood with the existence of a language barrier. There are a lot of moments of discrimination and unconscious bias along the way, but now I am appreciating all the challenges because they make me stronger in who I am and push me to improve. Now the girl who is scared of talking in English can have a full conversation with an English speaker without worrying she won't be understood, she has also achieved her study here with all A+ grades, and I am truly proud of her for overcoming this.

The biggest culture shock I had here is the "Laziness" of Kiwi. In the beginning, I couldn't stand people just chilling with everything and seemed not bothered. The hardworking culture seems not to be appreciated here and you can't go too fast as no one can catch up with you. It took me a while to realise that that's how they find the work-life balance, their life is not all about achieving things but also enjoying nature, enjoying family time, enjoy little things in life. In general, the life pace here is much slower and people here are more tolerant to diversity. Of course, nothing can be generalised, but the biggest thing I've learned from Kiwi is to slow down enjoy the little beauty of life and find that work-life balance.

Spiritual Awakening - Cromandel Mana Retreat

This is something I'd never thought would happen before I came here. I was that atheist who didn't have any religious background or spiritual beliefs, the only thing I believed in was science and how can I make more money in life and being successful. Until that lifestyle has proven to me was wrong and that's the very reason I came to NZ looking for some sort of answer.

After a year and a half of working holiday, people come and go in my life, I felt I found those lost parts of myself in the adventure of road trips. One thing I appreciate in NZ is how close we can be to nature. It has healed me so many times that I just go for a wee trip somewhere in nature, the problem at the time seems less than I thought. At that point I still had no clue about anything spiritually, I was still trying to understand psychologically and emotionally what had caused all of those sufferings.

The pivot moment was due to a very important relationship. In that relationship, I felt I found myself and then I lost myself completely until I hit the dark night of the soul. I can't stand living without knowing what my soul is yearning for. Then spiritual journey started. Along the way, there were so many things that happened I couldn't use a scientific approach to explain them, I felt I was forced to open my mind to the spirit realm through different situations and experiences.

I still remember when I first decided to end that relationship, quit my job and move out of the house, just packed up everything go on a trip without a plan or destination, it could not be any crazier than that. The first night of my travel to the Thames, I had a very vivid dream that I and a red serpent standing together watching everything collapsing in my life. Now when I look back, that seems to indicate a start to all the supernatural phenomena and crazy stories unfolding later on.

That period is right on top of Covid chaos. Covid for a lot of people might be a challenge or struggle, but it was an extreme blessing for me. I ended up being locked down in a retreat centre where the most beautiful view and community that has helped me to heal in so many different ways. From there, I learned a new way of being and truly learned how important to calm our mind in daily life. That's when I finally realised the benefits and importance of meditation and started to want to go deeper. Before that, there was no way for me to just sit to meditate for 5 minutes, as all my life till that point was constantly on the go. I also started to practise reiki during that time, and that just also gave me further evidence of how energy works and how there are greater universe beyond our 3D reality.

Mt Cook - Queenstown - Wellington: Places that change you forever

I have to say, if I get a chance to move time back, I will choose to go back to Mt Cook where I lived and worked for 6 months. I loved how I could lie down in my room and watch the Milky Way through my window. I love the community style of working environment. I love how living in a remote mountain village can teach me how to appreciate nature and all the beauty in life. When you immerse yourself in those beautiful mountains, lakes, starry sky and beautiful people who come from different walks of life, it's hard to not enjoy life.

Queenstown for me was a catalyst in life. it speeded up everything and life just exploded there. Now when I look back, I know I needed those pushes for me to open to the universe, to embrace the flow of life, and to trust everything unfolding is for its highest good. It's a journey to forgiveness and acceptance, it's also a journey that leads me to the divine, to discover more that i would never thought would be possible.

Wellington is a city that I hated at the very beginning. When I left Queenstown, my reiki master suggested I go there, and I refused it as I just didn't want to live in the city any more after living a rural life in Mt Cook. However, sometimes the city you don't want to go to the most is the city you are meant to be settling in. I came here due to my support worker job, it's a totally different area I would never imagine myself in. And to my surprise, this job became the longest job that I ever had. I had the longest battle and struggle in the job until now I finally found the joy and the beauty through supporting people to achieve their goals and introduce them to different creative projects. They've changed my outlook in life, and I feel I could be me with their essence. I started slowly falling in love with this city, especially its diversity and artistic vibe. It is this city that solidified my path as a healer, it is also this city that made my artistic dream possible. I don't know how long the story here will unfold, but I am open to it all.

Shamanic Healing Journey

10 years ago, this would never be my path. It has never crossed my mind.

10 years later, as I am typing here, I know that's deeply connected to where I am heading.

It's a journey that truly showed me how this changed my life as well as how much it's influenced others' lives. It was the first time that I had a comprehensive understanding of life beyond life, about past lives and ancestral healing or even being from other realms or planets. Those experiences were not just taught or told by the teacher, but real experiences in our healing practice. I am still in awe every single time when I do or receive shamanic healing.

In level 1&2 training, we have a process of going through a medicine wheel to release things that no longer serve us. The medicine wheel was divided by life phases, every 7 years representing a life cycle and I need to go through each of them until our current age. We had a whole morning ceremony of meditation to help us with what we needed to release in each age phase. I remember when I was contemplating what I needed to release and I had trouble getting anything that I felt deeply needed to be released. When the time came, I witnessed every single person who stepped into the circle starting to get some energy shift, some cried, some screamed, and to an extreme, some people vomited. It was an overwhelming scene for me to watch, i could feel everybody's pain and suffering, and there was a moment I felt all my suffering compared to theirs was nothing and I just wanted to hold the space at that moment. Until one lady remind me that don't overthink what's gonna happen, get into the wheels and it will reveal what needs to be released.

So I stepped into the 0-7 part, and to my surprise, as soon as I got into the wheel, I felt the energy start to move in my body, I had to shake and hum. Then my shaman was behind me doing his didgeridoo to help me move the energy, he whispered to me " You are allowed to be a woman." I did not expect that sentence to have so much power and I started to untoppable crying and had a profound aha moment about the suffering of my existence being a female from birth. Then i had the loudest scream that I've ever had in my whole life. At that moment, I felt there was a pure light straight up to the heave with my scream and I finally reclaimed my voice back.

Another magic moment I still remember is in Level 3&4 training when I received my personal 5 on 1 healing. There was a moment when I felt all the pain that come from feminine linage, i vividly see all the women who had suffered culturally behind me, all their sorrow and grief released through me. It's an experience that is hard to explain, but I feel them with me and I know they are also proud of me to choose feel all the pain that has been suppressed, so the future generation won't need to carry it anymore.

Of course, there are many stories to tell in the shamanic journey I have embarked on. It has opened myself into a different reality in a very tangible way. i love the magic it brings to my life and i am also curious what it can bring more into my life.

7 years ago, before i came to New Zealand, i went to Japan and wrote down my wish in the temple:

"Traversing mountains and rivers, the world is worth "

愿你历经山河，觉得人间值得。

I wasn't sure what that truly meant back then, but I know it now.

Fery Qiu